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How to Eat Your Bodyweight in Kettle Chips, or Day Two Remastered

November 3, 2010

I wrote this late last night, saved the draft, and totally forgot to post it.
So whilst it is day three, this is day two’s post. I’m an idiot. Day Three will follow shortly. When I’ve, you know, actually written anything.

It’s still day two, but the last post was basically about writing in day one. If that makes sense. Large quantities of cola have kept me partially sane. Pendulum helped too.

There’s been plenty of interior monologue-ing to boost the word count and mire the plot.

Nick snaps at Adrian for neither the first nor last time, Teresa ponders on the meaning of humanity and femininity (she got a bit deep all of a sudden), and the narrator laments that she would direct a film far better than she can write a novel. Let’s demonstrate this through Extract Time! (How dare you suggest that I’m competing with Willow and her Extract Time.)

Extract One

It was exactly that kind of self-assuming pity that Nick loathed. In fact, it was the perfect place to insert his newest expletive – ‘that shits me right up the wall’. He wasn’t entirely sure what being shat up a wall entailed, but he got the general gist.

Adrian was now playing with the suds in the washing up bowl, looking at them with rapturous fascination and carefully stirring them with his fingertips. Nick offered up a silent prayer (or possibly a threat) to his apparently ambivalent God.

Christ, you’re a dozy sod, O’Rourke,” he said (Nick, that is – not God; although it depends on which one you ask). The British colloquialisms mixed and rolled oddly with his Bavarian accent. It should have been jarring; but Adrian always crooned that is was ‘exotic’. Once, he even used the word ‘alluring’ – but Nick was about eighty percent sure he was joking that time.

Extract Two

Sometimes she heard the water-demon gurgle in her ear at night. Did female demons bear children? She’d never wondered about it before. Were they mothers, sisters and daughters too? Killing them whilst their pendulous breasts hung there was always distracting, uncomfortable.

Unbidden, the image of a pregnant demon – belly swollen and distended, so close to birth – swam into Teresa’s mind (my mind, it was my mind – I’m distancing myself, you can see it now – but it was all in my head). The idea was so close to that of a pregnant woman, that Teresa squirmed in her seat awkwardly – trying to banish the wailing mother and her stretched flesh.

The fluid gurgled in the water-demon’s throat, right beside her ear; it gurgled and fell silent.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 4, 2010 12:23 am

    ooooo~ Pensive Teresa with morals and shizz. My favourite was the Nick extract though *giggle* I thought ‘shit up the wall’ was an Australian phrase? Eh-heh.

    I don’t know how people can post short extracts! I guess I’m too self-impossing T_T

    • November 4, 2010 2:43 am

      I am an idiot, and posted my reply as a separate comment.
      But, uh, look below and you’ll see my post?


  2. November 4, 2010 2:42 am

    Dude, this whole blasted novel is getting pensive. I feel like all people do is sit around and regret stuff they did years ago :/

    ‘Shit up the wall’ is probably an Australian phrase, and even more probably something that Steve made up on the spot.
    But now I realise that it was phrased as though this is usual British expression that Nick picked up – which is not what I meant. *saves for editing*

    I post short extracts because they’re about the length I can copy paste without stumbling across some horrible prose that screams LOOKIE ME I WAS WRITTEN IN NANOWRIMO.
    There’s a lot of that in there.

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